Monday, September 8, 2008


Do you ever just feel uncertain?  I have these waves of uncertainty.  I'm having one right now, so I'm just going to blog through it and throw it out into the universe.  

I feel uncertain of:

* my place in the world... where am I supposed to be?

* my plan, my contract, my space, my purpose

* God... Sunday's sermon left me hanging on by my fingernails to the walls of my comfort level box, and this was after I'd had such a rejuvenating time with my prayer group on Friday.  I know the Holy Spirit works in me when I listen.  I have experienced it.  Sunday's sermon at church was all about ignoring that voice and just reading the Scripture.  Hmm.  Again, I say Hmmmmmmmm.  Isn't there a truth in all of us?  Isn't there a unique way that God is going to work in each of our lives?  AGAIN, I say HMMMMM.  

I feel like I'm trudging along on this well worn path, and once in awhile, I look up from watching one foot travel in front of the other on the brown.  I get these glimpses of beauty, and I'm intrigued.  I can fall into it when I slow down and let myself, and it's green and cool.  There are interesting noises and unusual smells.  A little scary, but not bad.  It feels right, it feels good to step off the dust into the green.  

So, how come I always end back up on the freaking path?!?!?!

OK... now, to things that are certain.  I'm going to will myself to calm before I try to sleep...

* friends 

* the stability of chaos with middle school kids... think about that one for a bit... stability of chaos

* God.  Whatever that means.  The more I know, the less I know.  But, I know.  And, I'm not going to stop searching.

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