I feel uncertain of:
* my place in the world... where am I supposed to be?
* my plan, my contract, my space, my purpose
* God... Sunday's sermon left me hanging on by my fingernails to the walls of my comfort level box, and this was after I'd had such a rejuvenating time with my prayer group on Friday. I know the Holy Spirit works in me when I listen. I have experienced it. Sunday's sermon at church was all about ignoring that voice and just reading the Scripture. Hmm. Again, I say Hmmmmmmmm. Isn't there a truth in all of us? Isn't there a unique way that God is going to work in each of our lives? AGAIN, I say HMMMMM.
I feel like I'm trudging along on this well worn path, and once in awhile, I look up from watching one foot travel in front of the other on the brown. I get these glimpses of beauty, and I'm intrigued. I can fall into it when I slow down and let myself, and it's green and cool. There are interesting noises and unusual smells. A little scary, but not bad. It feels right, it feels good to step off the dust into the green.
So, how come I always end back up on the freaking path?!?!?!
OK... now, to things that are certain. I'm going to will myself to calm before I try to sleep...
* friends
* the stability of chaos with middle school kids... think about that one for a bit... stability of chaos
* God. Whatever that means. The more I know, the less I know. But, I know. And, I'm not going to stop searching.
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