Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Wild Roller Coaster Day

I think I've experienced every conceivable emotion today.

The school day was a frantic sprint of getting kids to the right place, running through syllabi, repeating rules, hearing great summer stories, smiling until my face hurt, and then finally stopping to breathe a little this afternoon. Day 1 done, 179 to go! ;) All in all, I think it went well. I didn't cover as much as I wanted to, but it's all good. The kids are great, and I was so glad to see them all.

On the other end of the spectrum, 15 years ago today, my world changed forever. The day my mom died was the day that my heart changed from innocent and unblemished and naive to scarred and war-torn. I had no real idea what "lonely" or "empty" or "shocked" felt like until that day. I've come a long way since then, and I hardly ever feel lonely anymore, but I also don't think that anyone in my life will ever again know me like my mom did. A mother's love just cannot be replicated. And it can't be replaced. I'm lucky to have love in my life, but I will never be the same after that day 15 years ago. The sting isn't as painful or sharp, but it hasn't gone away completely. I know it never will.

My mom was perfect. I don't mean she was a perfect person... she wasn't, and she never claimed to be. But for me, she was the perfect mom. I guess we had to squeeze in a lot of happiness into 23 years because the big guy upstairs knew we wouldn't have a lifetime for it. My mom made me who I am, and she was the perfect role model for me... strong, fun-loving, seeking, caring, understanding, inspiring, spunky. I miss her every single day.

Emotional Roller Coaster Day!


  1. She did an AMAZING job raising you, dear are wonderful, and fabulous, and kind, and generous, and talented, and tremendous....

  2. If your mother is truly as you describe her, then it's plain to me that a great deal of her is living on in you. I'd also echo Jeff's comments. You do wonderful work with kids.


  3. Your mom was my second mom...she ALWAYS treated me as one of her own. Her honesty toward me always made me feel that she respected me and loved me -- even when she was kicking me out of her house so you would do your chores. She was there for me when I made some really hard decisions in my life...there to listen and wipe up the tears of the aftermath. She was the BEST and IS the best as so much of her lives on in you. I love you. ~ Trace


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