Monday, September 17, 2012

Why? Well, I Don't Really Know...

My dear friend Jeff asked recently if I was ever going to post again. Why haven't I been posting in the past few months?  Meh.  I guess I don't have a good reason.

I've had the blues is probably the biggest reason.  Most of my friends know I filter here.  I'm honest, but I don't let the bad and the ugly show.  I keep a private journal for that.  I'm a teacher, and that's a very public job.  I don't write anything here that I'd be embarrassed to have students or parents quote back to me later.

But, I need to write more.  I know it.

I've just been overwhelmed with a lot of crap lately, and lately, when I send the bucket down the well to pull up some material for writing, I usually just end up bawling.  I'm bawling right now, as a matter of fact.  I'm just trying to find the happy again, and my blog isn't always the place to do that.

But, who knows?  Maybe a little discipline about writing more can help.

I haven't had a blessings blog in awhile.  It always makes me feel better to count my blessings.  Maybe I'll start there.

Today, I'm thankful for:

* making the decision to go back to church.  I don't wear my religion on my sleeve, and I have a lot of philosophical issues with organized religion, but the truth of the matter is, I feel better when I go to church.  It makes me feel not so alone in the world and that there is something bigger than me.  It helps me focus on something bigger in the universe than my little measly problems.  I didn't leave my church last spring on the best of terms, and I was quite disillusioned with church in general.  But I bit the bullet and started going to choir practice at my Mom's & Grandma's church, the First United Methodist Church in Fairfield.  It's always been like my second church, and I know a lot of people there.  The choir welcomed me with open arms, and I sang with them this Sunday.  Tears were on the surface the whole time (it's sort of like a regular state of being for me these days), but it felt good.  Really good.

* books.  My book club met for the first time last Friday, and today I finalized our booklist for this year, based on the suggestions from Friday's meeting.  The list is at the bottom of this blog, if you're interested.  We talk about books a little and life a lot, and we have a lot of fun.  We're small but mighty, and through our love of the written word, we try to solve the problems of the world.  And we laugh drink a beverage and surround ourselves in the used books of Revelations while we do it.  It makes me happy.

* fall.  I can smell it coming, kids.  Today, it's raining that chilly fall kind of rain, and tonight, it's supposed to be down maybe in the 30's.  I love fall so freaking much.  It's almost here.

OK.  Have to admit.  I feel better after writing.  I'll have to do it more often.  Thanks for the kick in the pants, Jeff.  Love you.

1 comment:

  1. I love you! Glad to see you "back at it"! Mwah!!!!


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